"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
