Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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