The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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