Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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