Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
