I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
