So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
