Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
