She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
