grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is it because I queefed?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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