these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
