this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
