Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
