I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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