I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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