wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up under a house in Key West
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
