maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
