We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
