guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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