Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
