my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
