I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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