He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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