My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
