those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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