sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
