what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize