My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
