I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize