I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
