Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
