I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
