You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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