I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
