You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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