im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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