I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
