If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ketchup is God's man juice
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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