I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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