ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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