i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
