I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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