shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Randomize
