come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
