just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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