so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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