i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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