somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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