I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
