I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
only if we run a train.
done.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
