just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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