tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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