I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
