I'm pants shitting drunk right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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