Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
