i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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