he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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