She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
