i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
