I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
