quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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