Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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