i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
