walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
