Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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