Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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