At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're like the curious george of whores
Even my vagina gasped.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
