By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
