apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
