If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
