Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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