she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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