I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ever have a fart follow you around?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
