cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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