either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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