So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is the high leading the old right now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
