cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
