peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize