Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
