She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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