we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
