No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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