K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
