my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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