everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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