Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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