I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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