ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
