My nipple is on Facebook.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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