how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
