This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
