I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
