Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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