K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
