I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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