she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
